Holy smokes, 35 weeks! You’re almost here. How did that happen? It’s like time has equally dragged and sped by like a bullet train. Considering Calgary has the highest rates of preterm labour in North America (they don’t know why… theories include altitude, stress or both!), chances are you might even come early. Tick tock.
I’ve been thinking a lot this week about how to deal with dramas and upsets in life. I certainly have to continually apply this lesson in my own life, but it’s one that has huge value for me when I do it right.
Sleep on it.
Particularly this past year, there have been many moments of anger, upset, chaos… you name it. I have that super unattractive quality of a strong temper. I can go from zero to sixty in a very short space of time. If someone hurts me, my gut reaction is to cut them out. Snip snip, I don’t need you. If someone lashes out at me, I want to lash back. If I feel I’ve been wronged at work, I think about quitting. To be fair, the same goes if you do something like this to someone I love or care about. I will be in your corner and fight the fight with you, which may or may not serve your best interests.
This isn’t to say I’ve done any or all of these things, but it’s where my immediate reaction goes to. Occasionally, I give in, more so when it comes to lashing out or temporarily cutting people out of my life. I’m not proud of it, but it’s where my brain and heart goes with the surge of emotion.
So, little baby, what is the lesson? Sleep on it. This is slightly ironic, because I often struggle to sleep when I’m enraged, but nine times out of ten, the next day things don’t look so bad. Or, they look just as bad, but I’ve figured out a solution for myself. It might not be perfect, I might not get exactly what I want, but it’s better than walking away in anger.
I’ve recently had to apply this principle in many ways. When emails have come to me that upset me, I’ve had to do everything in my power not to respond. I’ve had to take time to figure out how to handle peoples’ actions in my life. That has meant temporarily pulling back from relationships, going to counselling and taking the time to sort through my thoughts and feelings about them. Better to do that than to sever an emotional limb.
People have said the same thing about marriage for decades – don’t go to bed angry. I disagree. I think sometimes you can go to bed angry and wake up with a new perspective. If you try to put a bandaid on it too quickly, you might just be patching up a bullet wound. I say, let it slowly bleed while you figure out the best solution. Sure, go to bed angry, but try not to say the thing that you can’t take back. Remove yourself from the situation if need be and take a breather.
I do, of course, worry what my reactions will be like when my version of “sleep on it” turns into “nap when the baby naps”. I am a person who needs my sleep, both for my benefit and for that of the general public, so here’s hoping I keep my reflexes in check when it comes to temper!
Final thoughts for the day. Tonight your Dad and I were talking about how insane it is that you could be here in as little as two weeks. Crazy, huh? In two weeks, we’ve reached full term. You were bouncing around during my ARWA workshop today and you even creeped out one of my friends who saw my belly rocking and rolling. Good creepy baby!
I won’t lie, I’m SO excited about you, and I’m also slightly sad. Sad for the life that will no longer be. I want you in my life, I do, but it’s a scary thought to know that once you’re born, there’s no way I can imagine being the same person. Instead of me and your Dad being my top priority, you will be. You have to be. If I thought I worry now, can you imagine what it will be like with you? But, I also have faith (because this is what all parents say), that you’re about to change my life for the better. That you will bring me joy that I can’t even yet fathom.
- You’re the size of a coconut. I can definitely tell! You bump against my ribs and your head is huge!
- You are 4.2-5.8 lbs. OKAY… I went back and looked at the website and that’s the exact same weight estimate they’ve given for three weeks. Methinks that they should change their range slightly so that I can at least post something different week to week.
- You calm your rolling when I stroke my belly. Once upon a time I used to poke you back (gently) so that we could “play”. Now I try to soothe you.
- Learning that you can now hear me, I’m singing songs that I’ve decided will be lullabies for you. Your Dad laughed, considering Adele’s Someone Like You is one of those songs. “How depressing!” he said. Personally, I just love the melody and emotion 🙂