It’s hard to believe that 18 months ago and change, I was just a person. I was just me, on my own, not the incubator of a little human being. Over the next nine months, I would house a tiny human, wondering what he or she would be like, if they were healthy, how I would cope, what life would be like. That’s a long time to think through how your life is going to change. Even so, nine months of pondering and planning couldn’t prepare me for what came next.
The day Jack was born, my life changed entirely. They said, “it’s a boy” and I was so unsure. I didn’t think I could cope with a boy, worried that I’d made a giant mistake and even cried for them to take him to the nursery so that I could sleep (in retrospect, a totally REASONABLE request).
The nine months following have both gone so fast and so slow. Days crawl, but experiences speed by. Firsts are whizzing past us. This little guy now has six teeth, crawls everywhere, is bored of his exersaucer and expresses his will like no other. He’s starting to pull himself up and try and climb on things, eats everything we offer to him, and his giggle makes my heart sing.
Jack has now been “on the outside” as long as he was on the inside, and it’s a strange milestone. At nine months of being a mother, I’m still frequently scared out of my mind, but I’m also more confident. I don’t cry when he cries anymore, I can take him on trips, we’ve flown in an airplane and we’ve handled explosive poops. We’ve survived colic, which was no small feat for my mental health. We’ve survived family drama, and I’m thankful that I had this little man to keep me centred and focused on what’s important in life.
I’ve also come to realize that there is no comparable love to the love of a child. I’ve said it before, but I choose to love David. Loving Jack is not a choice, it’s a part of me. Now, I didn’t feel like that from the get-go. I was scared and I was dealing with postpartum. It’s not to say that he still can’t push all my buttons (the low-grade whinge for hours is a sure-fire button pusher), but then he gives me one little smile and I’m wrapped around his tiny, chubby fingers again. Sigh, kids.
I’m starting to get more and more excited about all the adventures we’re going to have together in the future. Learning to ride a bike. Our first hike… where he actually walks and doesn’t get the free ride on my back. First fireworks. First day at school. Watching him get ready for his first date. There are so many things to look forward to, and we’ve only just begun.
Our next big first? Baby’s first Halloween! I’m pretty psyched for our joint costume. Yes, I’m “that mom” that is going all cutesy with the baby’s first halloween costume. I can’t wait for you to see pictures of it. For now… just know that we’ve taken inspiration from his name!
Looking forward to a lifetime of joy with this little kiddo.