Sweet Jesus, where does the time go? I am so ridiculously shocked by speeding time, particularly this week, because there are days that drag. As I’ve said before, I love this kid more than anything, but what a month we’ve had. He’s had a stomach virus, he is teething, and is he ever frustrated by learning to stand and cruise around furniture. Due to said climbing, we’ve had a few more topples than usual, which have also led to floods of tears.
Thankfully he’s cute.
Another part of why I feel time speeding by is because… I’m going back to work! I start a new job next week. I literally have 8 days left with this kid, most of which he’ll be spending adjusting to his new day home. It’s a weird dichotomy. When I’m home with him, it can be dull. When I’m away from him, I miss him. No doubt, there’s a balance to be found by going back to work.
We’ve had a pretty incredible 10 months together. We’ve traveled to Scotland, moved house, gone on walk after walk after walk (for Mommy’s sanity), and hiked in the mountains a couple of times. We’ve cruised the Farmer’s Market on a weekly basis, mets with friends to be ogled and admired (while Mommy caffeinated), and we’ve read so many books at bedtime. We’ve been on British road trips, Canadian road trips, and even our first ferry ride. We’ve met our Scottish cousins, our Canadian cousins, been swimming and flew through the air in a swing.
Some things were big moments, others were small, but in less than a year we’ve had a world of experiences. Watching Jack see the world through fresh eyes is fascinating.
And sometimes it’s not.
Here’s where I’m going to drop some truth: parenting isn’t always fun. Babies aren’t always smiling. They have colic, or attitude, or teeth pushing through their sweet virgin gum lines. In the same way that adults aren’t always a treat to be around (hello, we all have those coworkers, or are occasionally that person ourselves!), babies aren’t either. The thing is, society tells you we’re not supposed to feel this way. Some people manage to make motherhood look Instagram-perfect or Pinterest-possible, that we can look great, have an adorable, well-behaved child, a house ready for visitors, a pie in the oven and are the most docile spouse.
Because women, in particular, are constantly given this kind of messaging, I don’t have as many Moms talking to me about how hard their days are. The women that do get down into the nitty gritty with me? I love them. I love them so much, because they see in me what I see in them: warriors. A warrior doesn’t necessarily go to battle every day, but they are made of grit and solider on.
The warriors that I know lose patience with their kids. They cry. They drop accidental f-bombs. They lock themselves in the bathroom to cool off before snapping at their toddler. They accept that their house is a disaster zone. They may be exhausted beyond belief, but they’ll offer a helping hand to a fellow soldier in need.
I value these women.
They’re not living the picture-perfect life, because *newsflash* life isn’t perfect. There are snotty noses, shitty bums and accidents in the bathtub. Perhaps that’s why we compensate by buying onesies that have foxes on the feet, or get professional photos taken for our mantlepiece. Balance. You have to have some somewhere.
Before you think I’m a curmudgeon, I do love motherhood. I love the chubby hands that crawl up my arm, poking at my face. I love the cooing I hear over the monitor before he falls asleep. I love the way his hair lies the morning after a bath. I love the way he can smile with his eyes, a smile just for me.
It’s the best thing that has ever happened to me, and also the hardest.
I have no doubts that going back to work is going to bring a new set of challenges. We’re going to have to balance schedules, food planning, day home pick ups and drop offs, seeing friends, cleaning the house and god knows what other things will pop up. What I’m sure will also become more apparent, however, is that with less time together, we have to be more focused on quality-time. Dishes can pile up. Laundry can (sometimes) wait. Thankfully most bills get paid automatically! The point is this: everything worth having is both incredible and incredibly hard. We soldier on through the tough parts and cherish the beauty.
I love this little boy to the moon and back. Snotty nose, face-planting-nature, refuses to eat from the spoon and all, he is my world.
Happy 10 months, Jack.
Do you know a Momma who is a fellow warrior? Share this post with her to let her know you think she rocks!