Hold the phone, people! This kid, my baby is one month old. How in the world did THAT happen?
Wait… I know how that happened. The days now roll together without any kind of marker, mainly thanks to sleep deprivation, so time just slips past. Ironic, given that certain hours seem to drag when J is in a state of what I call the red rage. Red because he turns beet red and… well… you get the rage part. I need to invest in better ear plugs.
Anywho, it’s been a crazy month, so here’s a bit of a run-down on what’s happened.
I gave up on breastfeeding, but given that I wrote a whole post on that, we won’t go into it here. In a nutshell, I’m feeling better for it.
This kid has gained almost 3 pounds since birth! I’m in love with his fat rolls. Those chunky legs, arms and his triple chins just make me cry with joy. I endearingly refer to my kid as Jabba Da Hut – the pint-sized version. David says I’m giving the kid a complex…
We had family photos taken by the incredible Dave Moss (most of the photos in this post!) from Abby + Dave. If you live in Calgary, they’re so worth it! I loved that we had the photos done in our home, documentary-style. David and I aren’t great at posing, so this style suited us best.
Motherhood vs. Potato-hood
I’ll be brutally honest, motherhood is a struggle. I particularly find I’m flailing when Baby J cries for three hours straight. Logically I know that he has lower gas (at least I’m 99% sure that’s what it is), but it’s so hard to rid him of it, so his screeching and wailing is heartbreaking. There have been many moments where I’ve questioned myself and a couple where I’ve had to put him down in a safe place, walk away and have a cry. Again, logically, I know that my hormones are still raging, so that likely plays a big part in this.
The thing is, it’s hard not to feel like a bad mother when you can’t calm your baby. A friend from Birth and Babies, the incredible blogger behind Unpregnant Chicken (spoiler – she got pregnant and has a beautiful baby!), has a baby two weeks older than J. Her very insightful thoughts were that at this stage, when our babies are so small, we’re not mothering. We’re babysitting potatoes and trying to make them grow. I was never a good gardener!
It might sound silly, but that analogy has really helped the past few days. I mean, I never expected to be a good gardener, so why am I feeling bad? When he finally gets big enough for me to actually mother him? I feel pretty good about that stage. Sure, it’ll still be full of self-doubt (I sense there is a lot of this in my future), but it’s not like I’m just trying to keep something alive from dusk ’til dawn.
Big Changes Ahead
We move house in just over two weeks. Eek! Are we packed? Um… not yet. We’re working on it. To be honest, I am over the moon excited to move to our new house. Last year was rough all around, so it feels incredible to be moving to our own space. To top it off, we’ve bought the house from a family friend. To me, the house is filled with all kinds of good karma and I’m so excited to get J’s room put together.
Other changes ahead – I’m told that by the time Baby J reaches six weeks, we might be able to get some kind of a routine going. I look forward to that! At the moment I’m too afraid to book meetings with folks for specific times. “In case he rages” has become my catch phrase, so I try to be flexible with meeting friends and family. Here’s hoping that I can build up the confidence to say “I’ll meet you at two”, and actually get there whether he fusses or not.
Birth and Babies class has come to an end, but I’m hopeful that I’ll keep in touch with most of the ladies, in particular. On Friday we went for our first group outing, a walk in one of the gal’s neighbourhoods. I tell you, we were like the stroller mafia!
Random Observations or Thoughts
Babies fart just as loudly as adults – and they stink too.
Even on a bad day, kissing his chunky cheeks gives me ridiculous joy.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the pressures of raising a boy – more on that to come later.
I’ve never been a more focused driver in my life. Sleep deprivation will do that to a person! While I hate when J cries while I drive, it puts me further into the focus-zone, wanting to avoid an accident.
Changes to your body and posture are no joke! My physio will be making good money off of my back for a while. All this sitting, hunching (to feed him) and not enough exercise is messing with my body, but I’m hoping to slowly regain my strength.