Know that if I were reading this particular letter aloud to you, I’d be a blubbering mess. Six months has hit me harder than any other milestone. You’re such a little person right now, if that makes any sense. You have personality, you babble and you give me smiles that are just for me.
The reason I’m finding it hard today is that I realize that half of our time (if not more, depending on when I go back to work) as just the two of us is gone, half left. The first three months were a blur, to be honest. Not that I’m still not sleep deprived, but there’s more predictability to our days and I have a better idea of what you need and want.
Thinking back, we were crazy-sauce in the beginning. Your Dad and I took shifts those first two weeks to make sure one of us was always awake. We were genuinely concerned something was going to happen to you ‘on our watch’. So, super sleep deprived. And moving when you were six weeks old? Unavoidable, but it was still one of the harder things we’ve ever had to do.
You definitely get bored. Easily. Keeping you entertained feels like a full-time job, but I think you just crave new stimulation all the time. If I take you for walks, you’re a happy chappy. If we go to a restaurant, you just ogle other people. the lights, the new surroundings. You crave the new. You’re an observer. Something in me thinks you’re going to be a little world traveler one day. Just a feeling that I have…
Your Dad and I watched this documentary the other day called The Mask You Live In. It was so very powerful. Raising boys is no small task, it would seem. So many mothers have told me that boys are easier than girls, but watching this documentary turned that on its head. It shows how society places these enormous emotional restraints on boys and men. They’re told that unless they bottle it up, show no fear, make sure they’re respected at all costs… if they don’t do those things they’re not considered men?
That is not the world I want you to know. While your Dad and I can’t do a whole lot about what happens to you at school, I want to create a safe home environment where you know that you can express your feelings, that you are loved and that you are good enough just as you are. Not a day will go by where we won’t tell you that you’re loved. And I want to create the kind of relationship where you feel that you can tell us any trouble that you have, and know that there will be no judgement.
Six months is a milestone, for both of us. I often think that if we’d gotten pregnant on any other day, we wouldn’t have you. And we love you. Just the way you are.