We’ve had some semi-serious parenting posts of late, so why not a little levity today, hey? I’ve had many moments of “did I just say that?” recently, so thought I’d share for some comic relief.
“Look, it’s not my fault you peed on your face. Really, shouldn’t I be the one crying here?”
“Have I ever NOT fed you before?”
Note: logic doesn’t work with a newborn.
“It’s not coming off! How are you supposed to get poop off of balls?”
Listen… some baby poop is tar-like and their junk has too many wrinkles that it can hide in. It’s not easy.
“Is it…? Nope! Just a fart.”
This kid has epic, foul farts.
Me to David: “My coworker tells me that sleep deprivation is one of the top tactics used by the CIA to break people.”
David: “So, you’re saying our kid is a terrorist?”
Me: “I could believe it.”
Said on next to no sleep whatsoever.
David: “What do you think he’s dreaming about?”
Moving into toddler years…
“Get your foot out of your poop!”
“Don’t lick up your sick!”
“Nope. I don’t want your boogers in my mouth, thank you very much.”
“Everybody needs pants!”
“Stop biting me!”
“Can you please get your hands off your balls! I’m trying to wipe down there.”
Basically, most things I never expected to say all have to do with bodily functions…
Bonus from a gal in my Birth and Babies class:
“What is it about sucking, pulling and twisting on my nipples, all at the same time, that feels right to you?”
A sampling of some of the song lyrics that this sleep-deprived parent makes up while changing her kid:
“Nobody likes to have people in their junk, people in their junk, people in their junk. Nobody likes to have people in their junk, even if they’re changing a diaper!”
“If you change your mind, I’m the first in line. Mommy I have peed. Put the pants on me.” To the tune of Abba’s Take a Chance On Me.
Again, I’m tired these days, so perhaps it’s just me that finds these funny. Anyone else want to share some golden gems they’ve uttered as a parent? Comment below!