Happy Valentine’s day, y’all. Whether it’s Valentine’s, Galentine’s or simply February 14th, I wanted to create a special podcast for today.
Valentine’s Day used to be a trigger day for me, as it is for so many. It used to be the trigger that I wasn’t enough. That I wasn’t worthy of a relationship. That I wasn’t the pretty, funny, smart gal that deserved someone to do life with.
Anyone else ever felt this way? *virtual hands up*
Here’s the problem, when you’re in the habit of not feeling good enough in whatever category (or categories) of your life, triggers are everywhere. They can be dates, people, turns of phrase… basically anything can set off the feeling of inadequacy.
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Now, one of the other challenges that I would also regularly face was the need to STRIVE. To set goals. To work towards that bend in the road.
Anyone else a goal-setter here? *double virtual hands up*
I get you. We’re kind of trained into goal setting. SMART goals. Performance reviews at work. Number of books you read on Goodreads. How many miles you run.
We set a never ending amount of targets for ourselves, whether personal or professional, and it can be draining. AND… it feeds back into that inadequacy feeling.
So, I’m going to throw a crazy thought out there. What if you were satisfied with your here and now?
Woah. Hold the phone. Satisfied with my life as it is? But Victoria, I hear you say, if I’m satisfied then I should just give up. Victoria, you must be telling me that I should quit on my goals, that I should have no ambition, that I should kick up my heels and watch Netflix until the end of time.
I like a good goal, I do. I like to know where I’m headed. The PROBLEM with goals, is that they can set you up for a mind frame that says you can’t be happy UNTIL. I won’t be happy UNTIL I lose weight. I won’t be happy UNTIL I clean the kitchen. I won’t be happy UNTIL I get that promotion. And on and on it goes.
So many of us live like this. We’re not satisfied with the here and now, so we’re putting off our happiness until a mysterious day in the future.
You know those readings on heart monitors, where when your heart beats the line spikes, but where there is a larger flat line between beats? When you put off your happiness, that’s what your life is like. These spikes, every now and then, but with a lot of flat in the middle.
And, I don’t know about you, but reaching those arbitrary happiness milestones certainly weren’t as predictable in time as a heartbeat. They could take weeks, months, years, and all that time in between was just meh.
I don’t want you to live your life like that. I don’t think you want to live your life like that.
So I ask you again – what if you were satisfied with your life in the here and now?
That doesn’t mean don’t have big dreams and goals, but it does mean that you have to enjoy the process. Maybe it even means that it takes you longer to hit your big goals BECAUSE you’re purposefully enjoying the ride.
Here’s how that plays out in real life.
Instead of working that extra hour of overtime because the job seems important, maybe instead you go to bed early, call a friend to catch up, or get your sweat on at a workout class.
Instead of pushing yourself to burnout for that exam, that promotion, that grant application – maybe you take a breather and invest in self care.
Instead of launching your business in six months you launch it in a year.
Instead of writing a book in a month, you write it in six.
Instead of running a 10k this year you run a 5k, or you run/walk the 10k.
Instead of going on yet another Tinder date, you decide to have a month to yourself to recenter.
Whatever it is, how can you find ways to be satisfied with your life as it is?
And here’s why it’s CRITICAL to enjoy the journey as you go through it – because otherwise you’ll burn out. You’ll feel unfulfilled. You’ll be miserable, both to yourself and with the people you’re around. You’ll get tired, cranky, depressed and lose your way. You’ll lose yourself.
Did you hear me? You’ll lose yourself! And you’re all that you’ve got.
So, if you find yourself today (or any day) thinking that you’re not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough, or whatever enough…
If you find yourself saying that you’ll be happy when you’ve done this, achieved that or been validated by so and so…
I want you to give yourself a mental kick in the pants, and look in the mirror and remember that you are enough.
You. You are enough.
And life? You can be both satisfied with the here and now, and still have big dreams.
I see you. You’ve got this. You are enough.